Keep your head up

When I moved to Ghana, yes it was drastically different, things were slow and backwards, everything was dirty, there was a lot of pollution, the roads were crazy, it is a developing country as is China. BUT, I loved it, I felt almost prepared for it, some kind of past life there gave a me a deep passion for it, a powerful affinity towards the differences. Vibrant colors, rhythmic music, dancing bodies, smiles, moving skies all greeted me there. I have not found that liking for my home here yet. Like the late great Tupac said, "Keep ya head up" and I am doing just that, trying to look around more and find something that draws me in. There are few smiles, drab colors, a dreary sky and sad music. Levy explained to me what his professor here said and it clarified some things for me. Shanghai is now a city full of 2ND generation migrants from the villages. Theier parents used to have so little freedom and were held down by the government that they weren't taught how to treat each other appropriately when they gained freedom. They act uncivilized (our perception of what that is anyway) and bump you without a word, cut in line directly in front of the whole line guilt free, stare and say nothing. His teacher said this is part of the problem with such rapid changes in economy, no time to catch the people up on how to behave. Now I don't mean sound like some superior westerner discussing the uncivilized communist animals but I will fess up that that is what I find myself thinking at times. It is unfortunate I am having such a struggle growing fond of it here but I remain positive and think with some adventure I will grow akin to it.

I got lost on the way to the Korean family's house the other night, it was cold and raining and I had a long day before that navigating the busing system. I started to find the dark side gripping me, why am I here, I am not happy, what will I do when I get back though, what is the purpose, and damn it that is what the cold does to me, that is why I am not meant to live in climate's like this. Desperately I needed a change of mind frame, I turned around before I headed out into industrial wonderland and eventually stopped to breath, to look at the time and determine my best mode of action, to remind myself that I wasn't lost completely and it would all work out with a little faith. Right then the mother, Moon/Ann called and I aplologized for running late and told her I was lost. I looked around for a street sign and guess what? There I was, I was on Guoquan lu, I had found her street, completely by mistake somewhere on her street I had never been before but nevertheless HER street! This had a a great impact on my attitude, don't give up yet, explore more and I will find myself right where I need to be!

xoxoxo, Lolo in China